From: ISN (isn_editor_3@hotmail.com)
Date: Sunday, September 26, 1999 09:05 PM


THIS IS INTERSTELLAR NEWS FOR SEPT 27, 2999 (SPECIAL EDITION)
*Kreated uzing Microsoft Speelchecker '99




SALVENE WAR ESCALATES

Salvene warships leaving Salvene prime
CAPITAL CITY, SALVENE PRIME: The Salvene ruling Council declared WAR on two more races today as what is being called "Whoopee Cushion War" is escalating. The Alskant government refused to issue a formal apology for the prank that occurred at the United Races General Assembly meeting where the Alskant ambassador placed a "whoopee cushion" under the seat of the Salvene Ambassador which eventually lead to Salvene declaring war on Alskant yesterday. When asked for comment, the Alskant President said, "this is one fart that is being heard around the galaxy". The Salvene refused to comment.



WORKERS STRIKE AT FEDERAL SHIPYARD

Fighting at shipyard, partially completed SMS-009 in background
MANTON SYSTEM FEDERAL SHIPYARD: Workers at the SMS (Speef Midnight Special) Shipyard went on strike today protesting poor work conditions and lack of sensitivity training for management staff. After refusing orders to return to work, Federal Forces opened fire on striking workers. It is estimated that over 20 workers may have been killed and nearly 100 injured. ISN news crews were in the area and were fired upon when they refused to leave. When asked for comment, the Federal Government replied, "If you don't like it, don't play it".


GILGAMESH INJURED IN ACCIDENT

SUPER TRADER, GILGAMESH was injured Sunday when horseback riding in the country. Doctors at the VETERAN ADDICTS (VA) MEDICAL CENTER in Houston said that the injuries were complicated, "He was riding a fairly HIGH HORSE and fell into some shrubbery". His doctor went on to say, "While he is listed in stable condition, we were not able to get that stick out of his ass".


SPEEF KILLS AGAIN

SECTOR 1680: Today, FEDERAL NEWS SERVICE reported that trader SPEEF killed MILK_MAN not once but twice in the space of 11 seconds in sector 1680. SPEEF was unavailable for comment today, but it is ISN's policy to point out that SPEEF does not cheat and that the EVIL MILK_MAN either deserved to be killed twice by Our Beloved Savior, SPEEF (in sector 1680) or, more likely, that THE EVIL MILK_MAN was stupid enough to attack him and died twice (in sector 1680). ISN joins all loyal Space Merchants in wishing SPEEF well after this barbarous attack (in sector 1680).




- Deleting Trader Poll -
Deleting trader after scouting good or bad?

Results



TOP 10 EXPLOITED GAME FEATURES

10-WOOD DUMPING (Led to increase sales of the Creonti Chipper-Shedder)
9-NEGATIVE CARGO (How many turns did you burn trying to get it?)
8-SHIP SWAPPING (Funny, the people who did this, denied it)
7-RACIAL PRESIDENT (Only a newbie can be president with this "Good" president rule)
6-1 SHIELD, 1 DRONE PROTECTION (The "Planet Bug" ROTFLMAO!)
5-DELETING SCOUTS (Don't ask, Don't tell Cat)
4-PLANET STEALING (Back when paranoia was smart)
3-SKIP DRIVE (My favorite, suddenly Jump Drives were not so cool)
2-MULTIPLE TRADERS (This never happened)
1-THE WEBBOARD (No comment)


POINTS TO PONDER

In the beginning there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light'. What was it that he needed light to see?


TONIGHT ON SPACE MERCHANT CABLE….

MTV2



AND

HANSON: IN CONCERT

This pic was lost :(


ISN BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

WEST QUAD SCANNERS INC.



"MAY NOT TELL YOU MUCH, BUT THE GRAPHICS ARE COOL!"

And

GILGAMESH STOCKINGS



"SEXY ATTIRE FOR SPACE MERCHANT VETS"