 THIS IS INTERSTELLAR NEWS FOR SEPT 26, 2999 (WEEKLY EDITION) *Satisfaction and spelling NOT guaranteed. |
| From: ISN (isn_editor_3@hotmail.com)
Date: Saturday, September 25, 1999 02:43 PM |
THIS IS INTERSTELLAR NEWS FOR SEPT 26, 2999 (WEEKLY EDITION) *Satisfaction and spelling NOT guaranteed. |
UNITED
RACES ORBITAL COMPLEX, MANTON VII: The 432nd meeting of the UNITED RACES
General Assembly ended in violence after a practical joke went awry. Apparently
the Creonti Ambassador placed a "Whoopee Cushion" on the seat of the Alskant
Ambassador and the offensive sound angered the Salvene Ambassador who blamed the
Human Ambassador for her "inability to control the noxious gasses of her
festering bowels". The Alskant Ambassador, while laughing hysterically, told the
Salvene Ambassador to "take a chill pill and pull the bug out of his anal
orifice". Of course, the "Anal Orifice" is one of the most sacred of Salvene
body parts, which is never spoken of directly. The furious Salvene Ambassador
flew into a rage (that was not totally translatable but went something like
"your mother is a cheeseball and I prodded her with my boomerang and she asked
me for another piece of pie") which is Salvene "Declaration of War". Both
Ambassadors stormed out of the conference and left the UR Orbital Complex. The
Creonti Ambassador, devastated that his practical joke was the cause of the
Salvene-Alskant War, quickly declare Peace Treaties with the other races and
invited their Ambassadors to his ship for refreshments.  |
UNIVERSITY CITY, MANTON PRIME: The Chancellor of the Federal State University, SPEEF, today issued a statement condemning the lack of proper English skills in college students, "Incoming freshmen are ill prepared not only to write, but understand the English language", Placing blame squarely on the Federal Minister of Elementary Education Mike T. Smith, Chancellor Speef added, "Smith is a lazy-eyed goat who thinks a dangling participle is a part of the male anatomy". Minister Smith replied, "No, no, no, no, no, no , Chanceelore Speef is wrong. It iz not mi fawlt students are illegitamate, it iz the laks of funding". |
SECTOR 1677: A strange ship of alien design
has begun to orbit the Thevian colony on Thevus-Nok in sector 1677. The strange
ship has begun to transmit messages that can not be understood by planetary
authorities. The only markings on the ship are the letters "V---GER" which means
"HOLY ONE" in Thevian. Many Thevians have viewed this as a sign from God and
spend their days praying to the ship in orbit. 
It was this day
nearly 1,000 years ago that Man first stepped on Mars. Col. Gus Maniakes,
commanding officer of the PEGASUS SPACE PLANE landed what has been called the
first Human Starship in the Caledonia region on Mars. Fatigued after the 9-month
journey, Col. Maniakes' first words on Mars were, "Dude, this place totally
sucks ass". That was Col. Maniakes' last space mission. 
