From: ISN (isn_editor_3@hotmail.com)
Date: Friday, February 19, 1999 07:32 PM


THIS IS INTERSTELLAR NEWS FOR FEBRUARY 19, 2499


CONSTRUCTION HALTED AS CORRUPTION SCANDAL UNFOLDS

MANTON PRIME: Construction of the Federal Orbital Observation Laboratory (F.O.O.L.) was cancelled after a audit revealed that several members of the federal council have received payments for awarding lucrative contracts to family members. In a related story, The Office of Independent Council has announced that it is considering the possibility of bringing charges against the next Federal President if he/she happens to be a Democrat.




ANLA'S SHOCK

TERYLLIA GALAXY: A Federal Ultimatum belonging to the Alliance of Hopeless Newbie Drone Killers, was detained by federal authorities today after it destroyed the parking lot of the Super Stellar Wal-Mart on Dingus Prime. According to federal officers, the newbie Slavene Captain gave the order to fire upon ANLA SHOK leader G'KAR, however the Creonti gunner nuked the parking lot having misinterpreted "attack G'kar" for "attack the car".


NEW DRONES UNDER DEVELOPMENT

DISPOSABLE DRONES INC. of Alskant unveiled its line of new 2499 scout/harassment drones at the annual Drone, Gun and Boat Show in Atlanta this week. Included in the new line are:

SUICIDE DRONE: Starts sending messages reading, "Kill me, Kill me" and "I'm not worthy" to ships that enter the sector.

HARASSMENT DRONE: Sends hate mail to ships such as, "You suck" and "I hope you die". Profanity chip available on black market.


Mark VII Harassment Drone

MUSIC DRONE: Plays your choice of irritation musical favorites including Rap, John Tesh, and the theme from Armageddon or Titantic. Musak, Ace of Base and Spice Girls drone will be available in March.


TOP 10 REASONS GIVEN FOR BEING A TRADER

10. I'm trying to be #1 in goods traded
9. I prefer peaceful coexistence with others
8. I am going to die anyway
7. I just like to screw with other people's routes
6. I am NOT a trader! I have killed scout drones, so BACK OFF MAN!
5. The game is called Space Merchant, NOT Space Pirate
4. I get queasy when I see attack buttons
3. Fighting Sucks! (well, I tried it and died all the time)
2. Escape Pods are cool
1. SHOW ME THE MONEY!


TONIGHT ON SPACE MERCHANT CABLE NETWORK

CBS (Creonti Broadcasting System) Steven King's: The Error Storm of the Century

A & I (Arts and Infomercials) WillowsDance: Live from Radio City Music Hall. The Galaxy famous WillowsDance Academy performs WILLOWSDANCE, the critically acclaimed show that has been described as the "Riverdance for people with one foot"

Virtual Dr. Ruth: "Making love to a Thevian without poking your eye out"




SPACE MERCHANT WEATHER

Look for increasing Error Storms as the weekend progresses with intermittent moments of playability. Errors should clear some Monday morning when the server is reset.


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